Today I packed away even more baby clothes. I felt so annoyed as I looked at another box full of 6 month clothes that no longer fit my giant of a 5 month old. The thought of having to buy MORE clothes again soon makes me feel sick. And my mind wonders to the stash of paper bags that could easily be fashioned into a makeshift dress until my little man decides to slow his growth spurt down. With just a few holes for arms and his head plus duck tape to keep it all together I'd be set. Who would have ever imagined he'd grow so quickly?
You see there are so many unexpected things when you have a baby.
When a baby is born lives are changed dramatically. While pregnant it is so hard to imagine what your life will be like once your little one arrives and then in the blink of an eye the little person growing inside your ever enlarging belly makes their entrance into the world and nothing can ever be the same. When once you spent an hour each morning doing hair, make-up and dolling yourself up you now will double your time because you must feed, bath, and dress baby. Then get yourself halfway ready only to inevitably change a diaper and pack a diaper bag. Now if your lucky you get to finish getting ready yourself and load your car to it's maximum weight capacity with toys, books, bottles, diapers, clothes, first aid supplies, snacks, changes of clothes for yourself (in case baby decides you are a perfect target for projectile vomit, spit, or even poo) as well as any new fangled gadget baby manufacturers have produced to make your life quote unquote easier...
If you think getting ready is the biggest challenge of all you are so very very wrong. After enduring 9 long months of abstaining from drinking, dangerous activities, and if you're as lucky as I was even eating, you now get to sit back and once again be left out. On the fun ski trips you will get the joy of watching your friends and spouse play in the powdery snow whilst you smell the rancid stench of microwaved hot dogs. And drinking? HA! If you've chosen to breast feed you now get to play a fun mathematics game every time you drink... 1 drink = 2 hours before breastfeeding so best to down one quick drink as soon as you finish feeding or else you wont make the time limit before the next feeding!
You might think that after popping out your baby your belly will return to it's normal size and shape like the super models and movie stars... LIES! I have slowly come to grips with the fact that though my body was far from perfect to begin with it is forever changed... And so as you strategically put together outfits that hide the less than attractive parts you may eye your old clothes a little longingly.
For many of us moms work because non-existent and our social lives fall quickly behind as well. Those good books you've been wanting to read will just have to wait and your favorite tv shows ought to be recorded in advance because chances are you will not get the chance to sit down and watch them all the way through.
But these aren't the only types of changes you'll find to your new life.
Your heart and soul are forever changed in ways that words can not explain. You find within yourself a reserve of patience you thought only nuns and saints could possibly have and you begin to wonder what possibly made you want to get out of bed before your little one arrived. You'll find yourself though utterly exhausted filled with the urge to stay awake just to watch his small chest move up and down with each tiny breath and his precious eyes flutter with whatever dreams a baby could possibly have. And you know you could never go back. Back to the days of living for yourself. Back to the time of clean clothes and plenty of space. Back to a life without your little one.
And all joking aside like me you'll catch yourself crying as you pack away clothes that your baby somehow too quickly grew out of because how could he ever grow past the stage of being able to hold each night? And yet, his growing also makes you smile because you know soon he will be doing amazing things and you are along for one amazing heck of a ride.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Miracles
Miracles. In this day in age the word is right up there with magic, imaginary friends, and ghosts. Those who cling to miracles are often dubbed slightly crazy. And yet. Somewhere inside us it's as though we're hard wired to believe. To believe
in that maybe something good will happen to us. If you've ever bought a lottery ticket, made a wish on a penny thrown into a wishing well, or crossesd your fingers while thinking hard about what you want, well then you've bought into miracles.
Through high school and college I learned about each of the major religions and what I found was that they all have a lot in common. Perhaps more in common than most people would ever care to admit. And one thing it seems all cultures believe is that often otherwise unexplainable wondrous things happen. And for the point of this blog we will call them miracles.
Maybe sometimes I loose hope. I forget that great things can happen when you least expect it. And, well I miss the signs all around me. But then, Thankfully, I'm reminded. And so I was a few weeks ago.
The day was a terrible one. Or so it seemed. I had a lot on my mind- finances, a new baby, and the emotional drama of everyday life. We'd slept in, trying to take advantage of a lazy day. But when I went to change Boos diaper... Well we were down to one! So we quickly got dressed and ran out the door. I needed a mocha to make it through the day but alas the coffee stand was closed. So we ran to La Target (it sounds fancier that way) I opted for a coffee there and chose a new holiday flavor which turned out to be disgusting. And as I went to pay... No debit card! In our rush I'd left it in my other coat pocket. So after counting out coins I was off to do my shopping and pay with a check.
Now, I really hope I haven't lost you yet. You see I need you to imagine my frame of mind. Follow the ridiculous trail of bread crums to get the message.
Ok, so now I have a fine time shopping and head to the checkout. As I go to pay I realize I have the wrong checkbook. The one with my old name and I she wants ID. So I go rummaging in my bag, holding up the line and finally find the right checkbook. Now Im feeling especially annoyed and head to the car. It's cold. Dark. And I'm just plain done with the day. I load Boo up and hear a voice behind me. A woman and her child are trying to get past me into their car. So I quickly shut the door and... CLICK! the doors locks.
My car has a habit of doing this at the most inconvenient times. No worries I decide to call the police so they can let me into my car and to my baby. But they say they won't do it anymore. (this still confuses me since were in Alaska and it's an unsafe situation) so I start calling cab companies but no one is answering. Now I'm in tears. The lady had stayed with me and decided to ask for help inside. Finally I get a taxi company on the phone and explain my situation. I'd just seen one of their cars pass so I hoped they'd be there soon. I told the man that my car had been automatically started and was about to shut off (it was below zero out by the way). He proceeded to tell me he did not car if there was a baby inside or if my car was running! It was going to be a while for him to get there.
So now I'm hysterical and the lady returns and I decide to
call my husband and explain the situation to him. As he picks up I hear CLICK. The woman who'd stayed with me looks at me and says "did your car just unlock?". Hesitantly I tried the drivers door handle... And it opened. Looking around I saw that it was the ONLY door that had unlocked. The woman hugged me and asked "do you believe in miracles?". I cried and shook my head yes!
And so ended an amazingly good day. Why? Well I realized I needed diapers before it was too late, I was somewhere where I could use checks and figured out I need to switch my checkbook out, I had the foresight to start my car, and someone up there cared enough to help
me out and get me in my car.
You see I needed that. I needed to see that even when things seem
bad someones looking out for me. Maybe that lady needed it too. And who knows maybe I avoided something worse by having little bad stuff happen. What happened that night was a miracle no matter how you look at it.
I wish for you to see the good despite the bad and hold out for your miracles too.
~Razzy
in that maybe something good will happen to us. If you've ever bought a lottery ticket, made a wish on a penny thrown into a wishing well, or crossesd your fingers while thinking hard about what you want, well then you've bought into miracles.
Through high school and college I learned about each of the major religions and what I found was that they all have a lot in common. Perhaps more in common than most people would ever care to admit. And one thing it seems all cultures believe is that often otherwise unexplainable wondrous things happen. And for the point of this blog we will call them miracles.
Maybe sometimes I loose hope. I forget that great things can happen when you least expect it. And, well I miss the signs all around me. But then, Thankfully, I'm reminded. And so I was a few weeks ago.
The day was a terrible one. Or so it seemed. I had a lot on my mind- finances, a new baby, and the emotional drama of everyday life. We'd slept in, trying to take advantage of a lazy day. But when I went to change Boos diaper... Well we were down to one! So we quickly got dressed and ran out the door. I needed a mocha to make it through the day but alas the coffee stand was closed. So we ran to La Target (it sounds fancier that way) I opted for a coffee there and chose a new holiday flavor which turned out to be disgusting. And as I went to pay... No debit card! In our rush I'd left it in my other coat pocket. So after counting out coins I was off to do my shopping and pay with a check.
Now, I really hope I haven't lost you yet. You see I need you to imagine my frame of mind. Follow the ridiculous trail of bread crums to get the message.
Ok, so now I have a fine time shopping and head to the checkout. As I go to pay I realize I have the wrong checkbook. The one with my old name and I she wants ID. So I go rummaging in my bag, holding up the line and finally find the right checkbook. Now Im feeling especially annoyed and head to the car. It's cold. Dark. And I'm just plain done with the day. I load Boo up and hear a voice behind me. A woman and her child are trying to get past me into their car. So I quickly shut the door and... CLICK! the doors locks.
My car has a habit of doing this at the most inconvenient times. No worries I decide to call the police so they can let me into my car and to my baby. But they say they won't do it anymore. (this still confuses me since were in Alaska and it's an unsafe situation) so I start calling cab companies but no one is answering. Now I'm in tears. The lady had stayed with me and decided to ask for help inside. Finally I get a taxi company on the phone and explain my situation. I'd just seen one of their cars pass so I hoped they'd be there soon. I told the man that my car had been automatically started and was about to shut off (it was below zero out by the way). He proceeded to tell me he did not car if there was a baby inside or if my car was running! It was going to be a while for him to get there.
So now I'm hysterical and the lady returns and I decide to
call my husband and explain the situation to him. As he picks up I hear CLICK. The woman who'd stayed with me looks at me and says "did your car just unlock?". Hesitantly I tried the drivers door handle... And it opened. Looking around I saw that it was the ONLY door that had unlocked. The woman hugged me and asked "do you believe in miracles?". I cried and shook my head yes!
And so ended an amazingly good day. Why? Well I realized I needed diapers before it was too late, I was somewhere where I could use checks and figured out I need to switch my checkbook out, I had the foresight to start my car, and someone up there cared enough to help
me out and get me in my car.
You see I needed that. I needed to see that even when things seem
bad someones looking out for me. Maybe that lady needed it too. And who knows maybe I avoided something worse by having little bad stuff happen. What happened that night was a miracle no matter how you look at it.
I wish for you to see the good despite the bad and hold out for your miracles too.
~Razzy
Monday, January 11, 2010
The Great Booger War Blog
There are a great many things your mom never told you. Like how you will never win the toilet seat battle regardless which side you're on or how in high quantities nutmeg can have some seriously bad side affects... And regardless of how much advice she's given you over the years there's bound to be plenty of times where you think to yourself "why wasn't I warned?". And so it was for me when the great booger war began.
Like any major battle in history it began with a conflict. My 3 month old son had a booger and I, his mom wanted it GONE! Now normally I consider boogers relitively harmless and though I'd noticed this particular booger for some time I decided to not fuss too much. I'd simply use the green sucker bulb I got from the hospital and get what I could out. That was until it began interferring with my sons breathing. So upon further inspection I found his left nostril had become clogged by a hard crunchy booger. Stinking bulb can't pull that crap out! My poor munchkin could not suck on his passy (or as my husband calls it his plug plug) because he needed his mouth to breath. This wretched thing had to go! But wait. Nobody had ever mentioned what to do about a giant booger...
Ok. Yes, I am a new mom. But in my defense I've worked with hundreds of kids. I started off babysitting at 12. Worked my way up to nannying through college and even extended my experience to special needs kids. I've worked in classrooms k-8. And so my experience covers the broad range of kids 6 months of age to 14 years all over a span of some 12 years.
Crap. Did I just give away my age!? No matter.
The point is I'd never dealt with boogers. Poop: check. Pee: check. Vomitting: check. Potty training, teething, bathing: check, check, check. But this!? No.
Well in my college experience I learned one very valuable resource. Books? Not a chance. The Internet! And so I turned to my good friend, Google and asked for some help. And do you know what I discovered? I am not the only one with this problem! Women everywhere struggle daily with their kids boogers. Where is the CNN coverage? The doctor Oz special? The idiots guide to boogers book? My only guess is that we are not meant to discuss this in public. Why else wasn't I warned?
My good dear friend, Google, offered many suggestions. One woman wrote she uses her finger. Uh, my finger is 10 times larger than his nostril so no good. Another suggested a Q-tip. The thought made me cringe. Too many possibilities for something to go wrong. AND wouldn't it push the booger further up? And another poor desperate mother wrote that she sucks the boogers out with her mouth! That's right her mouth. No. Enough said.
I was on verge of starting my phone tree of advice when I came across the most logical advice yet. A woman, a doctor mom no less, wrote that she mixes 1 cup warm water with 1/4 tsp salt. Puts a few drops in the nostril and then uses the suction bulb to get the booger out. The salt water loosens the booger for easy removal.
I was a bit nervous but I tried this method and succes! The booger came right out. Austin was annoyed at the process but it was pain free. And now he can breath easy again (bad pun I know).
Me: 1 Booger: 0
So why hadnt my mom ever warned me of this? Could it be she hadn't experienced it? I doubt it. More likely it became trivial as the years passed and her life was filled with bigger battles and even bigger joys. And maybe it's a good thing I wasn't warned. Maybe that's the job of a good mom. To prepare you the best she can and give you the tools to figure things out when you don't know the answer. I guess that's what I'd want for my kiddo.
So thanks mom I love you!
Oh and thank you my good friend Google.
P.S. If anyone knows the mom who is sucking boogers out with her mouth clue her in on the salt water
~Razzy
Like any major battle in history it began with a conflict. My 3 month old son had a booger and I, his mom wanted it GONE! Now normally I consider boogers relitively harmless and though I'd noticed this particular booger for some time I decided to not fuss too much. I'd simply use the green sucker bulb I got from the hospital and get what I could out. That was until it began interferring with my sons breathing. So upon further inspection I found his left nostril had become clogged by a hard crunchy booger. Stinking bulb can't pull that crap out! My poor munchkin could not suck on his passy (or as my husband calls it his plug plug) because he needed his mouth to breath. This wretched thing had to go! But wait. Nobody had ever mentioned what to do about a giant booger...
Ok. Yes, I am a new mom. But in my defense I've worked with hundreds of kids. I started off babysitting at 12. Worked my way up to nannying through college and even extended my experience to special needs kids. I've worked in classrooms k-8. And so my experience covers the broad range of kids 6 months of age to 14 years all over a span of some 12 years.
Crap. Did I just give away my age!? No matter.
The point is I'd never dealt with boogers. Poop: check. Pee: check. Vomitting: check. Potty training, teething, bathing: check, check, check. But this!? No.
Well in my college experience I learned one very valuable resource. Books? Not a chance. The Internet! And so I turned to my good friend, Google and asked for some help. And do you know what I discovered? I am not the only one with this problem! Women everywhere struggle daily with their kids boogers. Where is the CNN coverage? The doctor Oz special? The idiots guide to boogers book? My only guess is that we are not meant to discuss this in public. Why else wasn't I warned?
My good dear friend, Google, offered many suggestions. One woman wrote she uses her finger. Uh, my finger is 10 times larger than his nostril so no good. Another suggested a Q-tip. The thought made me cringe. Too many possibilities for something to go wrong. AND wouldn't it push the booger further up? And another poor desperate mother wrote that she sucks the boogers out with her mouth! That's right her mouth. No. Enough said.
I was on verge of starting my phone tree of advice when I came across the most logical advice yet. A woman, a doctor mom no less, wrote that she mixes 1 cup warm water with 1/4 tsp salt. Puts a few drops in the nostril and then uses the suction bulb to get the booger out. The salt water loosens the booger for easy removal.
I was a bit nervous but I tried this method and succes! The booger came right out. Austin was annoyed at the process but it was pain free. And now he can breath easy again (bad pun I know).
Me: 1 Booger: 0
So why hadnt my mom ever warned me of this? Could it be she hadn't experienced it? I doubt it. More likely it became trivial as the years passed and her life was filled with bigger battles and even bigger joys. And maybe it's a good thing I wasn't warned. Maybe that's the job of a good mom. To prepare you the best she can and give you the tools to figure things out when you don't know the answer. I guess that's what I'd want for my kiddo.
So thanks mom I love you!
Oh and thank you my good friend Google.
P.S. If anyone knows the mom who is sucking boogers out with her mouth clue her in on the salt water
~Razzy
Monday, January 4, 2010
Blogging My Way through the New Year
Hello 2010. This year has quite the challenge ahead of itself. In 2009 I got married AND had a baby. That will be hard to beat. I am truly looking forward to this new year though I worry. I think we all worry but some us more than others... I hate that I worry. Not just about the big stuff but everything. When I began dating again I had one very important goal (ok I had many but one that pertains to this) I specifically looked for someone who calmed me. Like the yin to my yang. My husband is very easy going and Stresses seldom. Success! I found someone that has helped me with my worrying problem. I watch other couples and sometimes wonder why they are together. Really you should be with someone who brings out the best in you. Not the worst. But I think too many people latch on to someone that is all wrong for them... is it love they crave? Maybe there's attraction and even a type of love there. But I've learned that's not always enough. You need real connection to be happy.
Ah speaking of things that are all wrong for us... Too many people hate their job. I had this thought today: why would anyone stay at a job they hate? I would never say you should live to work BUT you should at least find some enjoyment or satisfaction with your job. Let's say you work 40 hours a week that's nearly 2 full days a week at work. Each day you work you're there 1/2 of your waking hours. That's a huge chunk of your life dedicated to working. And let's face it time is money so really it's just not worth it to hate your job. What a waste.
Have you ever had one of those moments where you just needed to cry? And the more you fight it the worst it gets. I think we need to cry. It benifits our body, mind, and soul. I know I need a good cry regularly. And once I've cried until my tears are dry it's like I can face things head on again. Do you always know why you feel like crying? I don't. Maybe it's that all of the tiny things in our lives build up and finally break us.
So one response to my last blog made me think about a few things. There are 2 things I KNOW I CAN do. 1) teach 2) be a mom. And even then I catch myself second guessing myself at these two things when people criticize me. I have very little confidence in the other aspects of my life. And that bothers me. That's hard. As a teacher I always encouraged kids to embrace the things they were good at, try everything else, and accept that you can't be good at everything. The example I always used was I'm a terrible speller (perhaps you've noticed) BUT that doesn't stop me from writing, teaching, or anything else. AND I'm ok with not being a good speller because I'm good at other things. I say this to kids to help them. But yet I hate being less than great at stuff. So why can't I take my own advice? I guess it's hard to cope with being criticized by others. As if everyone just knows how to do it better than me... And so when I work hard on something I stress. About what people might say to me, to others... Or really even what they will think. This makes me nervous to try new things. Anyone else have this problem? Thanks my sweet friends/readers for your support. Maybe me bringing these things up will help someone else confront their problems too.
So someone asked what I'm blogging about. Oh. I hadn't thought about that. I guess I'm blogging about me. My family and friends. And life. I suppose I'd like to spark something in my readers. Maybe you'll relate to what I have to say or be thankful that someone is saying it. It'd be great to get feedback and let other people add to the discussion I'm starting.
And now to wrap this up I'll leave you with a few special thoughts about being a mom. (My mommy friends can add their thoughts too :) )
Tools to survive being a "new" mom:
Laughter... Even when your peed on or awake at 3 am... Or both
Chocolate, a glass of wine or other "comfort" item for the end of a long day
A friend or spouse to unwind with
Things I LOVE about being a mom:
Being needed
The classic baby smell
Cuddeling together
Seeing baby laugh, smile, and try new things
Things I'm annoyed with already:
Being asked "is this your first"
Being treated like I have no idea what I'm doing
Baby clothes sizing is not all the same!
Ok so there's a pile more for each category but I'll add to it AND my readers can add some too :)
Now I'm off to cuddle with Boo so goodnight all!
~Razzy
Ah speaking of things that are all wrong for us... Too many people hate their job. I had this thought today: why would anyone stay at a job they hate? I would never say you should live to work BUT you should at least find some enjoyment or satisfaction with your job. Let's say you work 40 hours a week that's nearly 2 full days a week at work. Each day you work you're there 1/2 of your waking hours. That's a huge chunk of your life dedicated to working. And let's face it time is money so really it's just not worth it to hate your job. What a waste.
Have you ever had one of those moments where you just needed to cry? And the more you fight it the worst it gets. I think we need to cry. It benifits our body, mind, and soul. I know I need a good cry regularly. And once I've cried until my tears are dry it's like I can face things head on again. Do you always know why you feel like crying? I don't. Maybe it's that all of the tiny things in our lives build up and finally break us.
So one response to my last blog made me think about a few things. There are 2 things I KNOW I CAN do. 1) teach 2) be a mom. And even then I catch myself second guessing myself at these two things when people criticize me. I have very little confidence in the other aspects of my life. And that bothers me. That's hard. As a teacher I always encouraged kids to embrace the things they were good at, try everything else, and accept that you can't be good at everything. The example I always used was I'm a terrible speller (perhaps you've noticed) BUT that doesn't stop me from writing, teaching, or anything else. AND I'm ok with not being a good speller because I'm good at other things. I say this to kids to help them. But yet I hate being less than great at stuff. So why can't I take my own advice? I guess it's hard to cope with being criticized by others. As if everyone just knows how to do it better than me... And so when I work hard on something I stress. About what people might say to me, to others... Or really even what they will think. This makes me nervous to try new things. Anyone else have this problem? Thanks my sweet friends/readers for your support. Maybe me bringing these things up will help someone else confront their problems too.
So someone asked what I'm blogging about. Oh. I hadn't thought about that. I guess I'm blogging about me. My family and friends. And life. I suppose I'd like to spark something in my readers. Maybe you'll relate to what I have to say or be thankful that someone is saying it. It'd be great to get feedback and let other people add to the discussion I'm starting.
And now to wrap this up I'll leave you with a few special thoughts about being a mom. (My mommy friends can add their thoughts too :) )
Tools to survive being a "new" mom:
Laughter... Even when your peed on or awake at 3 am... Or both
Chocolate, a glass of wine or other "comfort" item for the end of a long day
A friend or spouse to unwind with
Things I LOVE about being a mom:
Being needed
The classic baby smell
Cuddeling together
Seeing baby laugh, smile, and try new things
Things I'm annoyed with already:
Being asked "is this your first"
Being treated like I have no idea what I'm doing
Baby clothes sizing is not all the same!
Ok so there's a pile more for each category but I'll add to it AND my readers can add some too :)
Now I'm off to cuddle with Boo so goodnight all!
~Razzy
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
My Mind is all Blogged Up
I think yesturdays blog opened a flood gate of thoughts to write. Sometimes my mind just seems so full of thoughts I can hardly focus on any one thing. And then I end up rambling and jumping from topic to topic. Anyone else have this problem? I'm not sure there's an exact topic for today and perhaps two days in a row is a bit much but I'm hoping we'll get it all out tonight.
First off I have a few questions.
1) Why is it that standing in front of a room of children seems like no big deal but in front of adults I panic. Before my friends wedding I had countless nights laying awake wondering what I'd say IF I had to give a speach. And then the moment came. As I walked up and took the microphone I KNEW I had to admit my fear and told everyone I was now imagining them all as middle schoolers... I got a laugh. This was a great set up because by the end I was nearly in tears and shaking immensely. If they'd been actual middle schoolers I'd have been set. I could have went in with no plan and done just fine. Am I crazy?
2) Where the heck do all the pacifiers and socks go in my house? Ok I do have a problem misplacing things BUT these items disapear never to return again... And we can't even blame the baby yet!
3) Why are women so brutal o each other? Last night I caught myself telling my husband how much I dislike Katie couric. When he asked why I had a very feeble reason. And this got me thinking... Am I too critical of other women? Am I judgemental? We must work on this...
4) Why does boo, my baby boy, stay up until 1 am no problem? And this means he sleeps until 10. Sometimes I know other moms are judging me and this schedule makes me nervous. But the more I fight it the more grouchy he is. I guess I need to ask why do I care what anyone thinks? Maybe those dreams about someone taking Boo away worsened my anxiety? Must work on this too...
5) Where did my self confidence go? Before I met my husband I hated myslef... Or at least the way I looked and a few other things... And then he sparked a self confidence and self body image I'd never had before. Even while I was pregnant I liked how I looked. But now? It's like everything just fell to the wrong place after having my son. Somedays I don't have time for makeup and hair. Or at least I don't care. And then I glimpse myself in the mirror and want to scream. I KNOW I'm not the only one. We should start a support group like AA but for us recovering low body image addicts. Any takers? *sigh* must work on this too!
Ok so that's the big questions on my mind... Meaningful? No. Insightful? Doubtful. Critical to my daily life OR anyone elses lives? Highly unlikely. But that's real life isn't it?
So tomorrow I'm meeting with my newly married friend (the determined one) and the one who will do anything for you. It'll be bitter sweet because the newly married friend will be leaving again and we may not see eachother for a LONG time! And then thursday I'll be seeing a long lost friend. How fun! I'm also looking forward to new years with my family. And I can't wait for a fun night with the hubby :)
Alright I KNOW it's nearly impossible to see how we got jumped from topic to topic but it made sense to me. And seeing as I have very few readers I'm not too concerened. Hopefully my next blog will be better thought out. For now I'm off to bed!
~
First off I have a few questions.
1) Why is it that standing in front of a room of children seems like no big deal but in front of adults I panic. Before my friends wedding I had countless nights laying awake wondering what I'd say IF I had to give a speach. And then the moment came. As I walked up and took the microphone I KNEW I had to admit my fear and told everyone I was now imagining them all as middle schoolers... I got a laugh. This was a great set up because by the end I was nearly in tears and shaking immensely. If they'd been actual middle schoolers I'd have been set. I could have went in with no plan and done just fine. Am I crazy?
2) Where the heck do all the pacifiers and socks go in my house? Ok I do have a problem misplacing things BUT these items disapear never to return again... And we can't even blame the baby yet!
3) Why are women so brutal o each other? Last night I caught myself telling my husband how much I dislike Katie couric. When he asked why I had a very feeble reason. And this got me thinking... Am I too critical of other women? Am I judgemental? We must work on this...
4) Why does boo, my baby boy, stay up until 1 am no problem? And this means he sleeps until 10. Sometimes I know other moms are judging me and this schedule makes me nervous. But the more I fight it the more grouchy he is. I guess I need to ask why do I care what anyone thinks? Maybe those dreams about someone taking Boo away worsened my anxiety? Must work on this too...
5) Where did my self confidence go? Before I met my husband I hated myslef... Or at least the way I looked and a few other things... And then he sparked a self confidence and self body image I'd never had before. Even while I was pregnant I liked how I looked. But now? It's like everything just fell to the wrong place after having my son. Somedays I don't have time for makeup and hair. Or at least I don't care. And then I glimpse myself in the mirror and want to scream. I KNOW I'm not the only one. We should start a support group like AA but for us recovering low body image addicts. Any takers? *sigh* must work on this too!
Ok so that's the big questions on my mind... Meaningful? No. Insightful? Doubtful. Critical to my daily life OR anyone elses lives? Highly unlikely. But that's real life isn't it?
So tomorrow I'm meeting with my newly married friend (the determined one) and the one who will do anything for you. It'll be bitter sweet because the newly married friend will be leaving again and we may not see eachother for a LONG time! And then thursday I'll be seeing a long lost friend. How fun! I'm also looking forward to new years with my family. And I can't wait for a fun night with the hubby :)
Alright I KNOW it's nearly impossible to see how we got jumped from topic to topic but it made sense to me. And seeing as I have very few readers I'm not too concerened. Hopefully my next blog will be better thought out. For now I'm off to bed!
~
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
My First Blog
Well it's midnight and the boys are sleeping. By boys I mean my husband and 3 month old son. The house is quiet. Quiet? That's a rare thing these days. At 24 I feel completely comfortable with my life until that is I strike up a conversation with an old friend or perfect stranger for that matter. The dialog usually goes something like this:
Them: Are you teaching?
Me: No, I'm staying home with my baby.
Them: I thought you got your degree?
Haha... Thanks. Why is being a stay at home mom seen as less important than a career? I have my whole life to teach, to work. Not to knock the working mom but shouldn't this be my choice? Anyways I love being at home with my little one but some days I kind of miss my fast pace life of going to school and working. I miss learning and chatting it up with adults. That's why I'm doing this blog. Not so much to find readers but to reach out. To write again and take a few moments each week for some adult dialog. And so for anyone who reads this you will take a walk in the day of me, Razzy. I'll try to be honest and share my adventures or misadventures as the case may be as well as any new insights on the world.
My topic of interest today is about friendship.
My greatest friend is my husband. I really think marriage should be based in that. Beyond him I have a tight circle of close friends including my sisters. Each one is so unique and has changed my life by being a part of it. I have the strong stubborn friend who takes on the world, the thinker and free spirit, the one with a kind if not flaky spirit, the passionate fiery one, the one who would do anything for you, the wise listener, and the rock.
This weekend I watched my good friend of 11 years get married. Where have the days of plaing MASH gone? She was beautiful and looked so happy. My heart felt full of joy. And today I learned my other friend of 16 years is pregnant! Oh how my heart ached to be there to hug her and congratulate her. I guess we've all grown up... And I'm so blessed to be a part of their lives still.
So tonight as I get myself ready for bed I am filled with peace, excitement, and love for my friends.
Goodnight readers if you are out there :)
~Razzy
Them: Are you teaching?
Me: No, I'm staying home with my baby.
Them: I thought you got your degree?
Haha... Thanks. Why is being a stay at home mom seen as less important than a career? I have my whole life to teach, to work. Not to knock the working mom but shouldn't this be my choice? Anyways I love being at home with my little one but some days I kind of miss my fast pace life of going to school and working. I miss learning and chatting it up with adults. That's why I'm doing this blog. Not so much to find readers but to reach out. To write again and take a few moments each week for some adult dialog. And so for anyone who reads this you will take a walk in the day of me, Razzy. I'll try to be honest and share my adventures or misadventures as the case may be as well as any new insights on the world.
My topic of interest today is about friendship.
My greatest friend is my husband. I really think marriage should be based in that. Beyond him I have a tight circle of close friends including my sisters. Each one is so unique and has changed my life by being a part of it. I have the strong stubborn friend who takes on the world, the thinker and free spirit, the one with a kind if not flaky spirit, the passionate fiery one, the one who would do anything for you, the wise listener, and the rock.
This weekend I watched my good friend of 11 years get married. Where have the days of plaing MASH gone? She was beautiful and looked so happy. My heart felt full of joy. And today I learned my other friend of 16 years is pregnant! Oh how my heart ached to be there to hug her and congratulate her. I guess we've all grown up... And I'm so blessed to be a part of their lives still.
So tonight as I get myself ready for bed I am filled with peace, excitement, and love for my friends.
Goodnight readers if you are out there :)
~Razzy
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)